Reading...

Sept 17

Have been doing a lot of readings lately from wikipedia. But what i am reading is all those history or as wat ppl always said myth. Yesterday i am reading about mermaids, triton, gorgons, fairies and stuff. I find it very interesting. Somehow this kind of things really attracts me.

The other day i am more weird because i am reading about King Henry the VIII. He is a britain king which married for 6 times just to get himself a heir for his throne. Of all his wives they all end up being execute or died. But at last his 4th wife gave him a son which is King Edward VI but he did not live for long. He died at the age of 15. Somehow i find all this really interesting.

Today i am reading about Van Helsing. Sometimes i do hope that this world do have vampires, werewolves, fairies, mermaid... doesn't it sound more interesting? Ok i am back to my reading...

Feeling Weird

Tue 15 Sept 09

I don't know wat is happening to me today. I hv been hving this weird feelings the first thing i wake up in the morning. Is it because i think too much or i did not get enough rest? As i remember i nv hv this kind of weird feelings for quiet sometime and now it's all back again. Why do i feel it this way?

Why do i feel so unsecure? Why can't i trust him? Why do i always let the past haunt me like tat? Why is all this happening to me? Sometimes i just don't understand why is it all hv to be like this? I find myself very annoying at times because i will do something tat i think will annoyed ppl. And i know tat it will annoyed ppl and yet i still do it. Why?

I always ask myself whether i treat him good enough or not. He told me tat i hv already treat him very good, but how come i don't feel it tat way? How come i still feel tat i hv not done enough for him? I think maybe i think too much by myself, or maybe because of the past tat is the cause of all this. Ppl always tell me to let go of the past. I hv tried to let it go and i hv really tried, but why is it still the same. I just don't hv enough confidence in myself.

Maybe i am really not good at all...

Angry over something small

My bf went to sentosa island with his friends yesterday for an outing. At first everything is fine. I actually don't really mind that he went outing with his friends because i trust him and i believe that to make a relationship work, you got to give each other their own space. I still ask him to enjoy himself. Things happen after my yoga class.

I msg him when i finish showering after my yoga class. Then he called and ask me how am i. As usual i just ask him how is his outing with his friends, and he told me that not too bad but a lot did not turn up. At that time i am just teasing him when he is going to bring me there. And the answer that i got is i have already been there with some other guys. I know that i have been to sentosa before but it's different. I go there to take photograph and not enjoying. I just want to go there to relax and enjoy the beach with him and that is the answer that i got from him. Out of sudden i just get so angry and don't feel like talking to him.

I know it's just a small matter because he think that sentosa is not really a nice place for couples to go for dating but i don't know why i get so angry. I don't normally get angry because of such small matter. But i don't know why this time i just got so hot.

Does love really make a person out of their mind? Is it because it really matter that he does not want to go to places that you wish to go with you? Will you just get angry because it's just a small matter and you know that it's not really a big deal? Is love really blind that will cause you think sideways?

It's been such a long time i did not write. Have been living very happily here at my new place. It's already been staying here for 3 month. I think i am more happy staying here than any other place. Although it's a bit hard for me on the financial side but i am still fine. What to do... just got to work hard lor.

As for work, everything went fine just that sometimes it's a bit bored. Have the thinking of changing job but with the economy like that no one dare to move. It will be hard to look for job. Some more this is an international company. Should be safe to be here. Woking here have been like a robot. It's like everyday doing the same old things and stuff.

As for love life, everything still went smoothly. Maybe because we are still in the honeymoon period so everything is still very sweet. I really don't know what will happen after the honeymoon period. Hope that things will not change too much for the both of us. I like the way it is right now. But can really tell that he really loves me a lot and he can give me anything that i want. He is working very hard to earn more for future. I am not very sure whether we are going to be together or not in the future because his planning is to get married after 5 yrs. What i know right now is that i feel blissful to have him with me.

What is love actually. Sometimes i use to have this kind of feeling of happy and fear. Recently i have a lot of friends who is planning to get married. And i have this jealous feeling. Why do i have such feelings? There is this guy that use to chase me last time and i have rejected him. He is going to propose to his girlfriend soon. He seems to be very successful in his career. He is now looking for their love nest. In a way i feels happy for him but in the same time i feels jealous. If i were to accept him that time i might be married too. But too bad that i don't have feelings for him.

Sometimes i will think that will he propose to me. 5 yrs seems to be a very long period. Haha... maybe i can't wait to be married.

Hahaha don't know what am i talking liao le...

Feeling Grateful

I am happy to have found myself such good friends that are willing to help me whenever i need help and support. I have never been this lucky before in my life. Feeling so grateful to have them by my side. They did not even say no and help me.

No matter what they will forever be my best friend in my life. I will go all out to help them when they needed my help in the future. Some people said that friends are only there to use you and they are there because you are useful to them. Maybe they have not found the true friends in their life. But not for me, i have found the really true friends in my life. A true friend don't have to be many. A few in your life will be great and make your life easier.

I would like to share this to the world and tell them who my best friends in my life is. There is Kira, Agnes, Ken, Catherine, and Kenny. Although some did not really help much but there will be there for you when you need their support. That is what true friends ara.

I just want to say thanks to them and thank you for taking care of me when i fall sick and also thank you for being there for me when i need your support and always stand by myside and did not leave me alone.

There is one more person that i wanted to thank with my whole heart. That is my dear, the one that i love very much till i die. Baby dear thanks for being there for me and support me when i tell you the problem that i am facing now. You did not leave me and yet you still support me and love me with your heart. I feel very fortunate to have caught your eye that night. Thing went well for the both of us and i hope that you will always be. I have made a promise to myself that no matter what i will always be there by yourside and support you whenever you needed. This is my promise to you until the end of my life. Unless you don't want me to be in your life anymore. No matter what i will love you always. Thank you very much my dear.

Life is really full of miracle. When you think that you are hopeless, yet you have a whole bunch of friends that is willing to stnad by you and help you with all their heart and strenght. I just want to tell the whole world how grateful i am to have this friends in my life...

Life stage - 1

Wow did not realise that i have actually stop writting for so long since January 12th. It's already March and i have already moved to a new place with new environment and new housemate. I am currently living under the same roof as Agnes and Kira. The rental is a bit too expensive for me but i hope that i can go through this with no problem. But too bad that family problem hit me right in the face. Have not plan that this kind of things will happen to my family member.

Totally broke for this whole month and only left $7 for me to use for the whole month and it's only 12th. Still have two more weeks to go before i received my pay. Guess how am i going to survive for the whole two week? I totally have no idea how. I am desparate to look for freelance to do, but i don't know how. Why this kind of things happen to me? Why me? This month really a bit tight.

This saturday is Kira's birthday, don't know why don't have the feeling of going, maybe it's because i know that i will have to use money if i go. But i have no choice as in she is my housemate, if i don't go it's like i don't respect her or give her face... So no matter what i will go to the dinner. Hope that everything goes fine.

Oh yeah i have already started my new relationship with this guy name Rooney Tay. He is very understanding, caring and nice. I feels comfortable and secure around him. Feels like i am being protected when i am with him. He did offer to help me but i refuse his help and somehow i feel that he is either angry or sad because i don't allow him to help me. I just don't know how to explain to him that i don't want to drag him down as i know his financial is not really that good as well. That is why i don't allow him to help me. I hope that he will understand what i am trying to do. Hope that he will not get angry with me.

It is really hard to go through this kind of situation because i need a lot of support and motivation. I have to work hard for this... Work hard and don't give up... I am sure that i can go through this... I can do it... Life is not easy with the economy now... I can't even go out to look for part-time as i am holding just a work-permit. Unless i am a PR then i can go look for part-time. Planning to apply for PR but not now because really can't affort it. As PR needs to pay for CPF and when they cut my salary then i will be in more trouble as my pay is not really that hight. How i wish that i can get a higher pay...

So this is my life stage 1 that i need to go through... Wish me luck ok... Work hard and work smart...

Long time no see

12th January - Monday

It's been quiet sometime i did not write. Kinda miss writting, will try to find sometime to write again. So many things have happen to me lately. And that make me realise that life is really not as simple as ABC. There is a lot of things that you need to take action to achieve it. With the economy this bad, i consider myself as lucky that i still have my job. I did not expect much for a payrise but at least i do get a bonus for it. I hope that the economy will get better soon so that ppl won't have to suffer with no jobs to do.

I have to focus on my career. Have to find more freelance to do to achieve the goal that i want for this year. Needs a lot of effort and motivation. I understand the philisophy of things wont come east. If you want it, then you have to work hard on it. I have to set a target once i get my new laptop, i will start doing all my freelance again and hope that it will bring me some good profit. Got to learn more so that i can survive and to achieve what i want.

There is so many things that i wanted to achieve but have to take things one at a time. Too fast will only make things worse. So got to make sure that it's stable enough. About love life, just take things naturally. Don't want it to start fast and end fast. There is still a lot of understanding and communication to work for a relationship. Currently reading a book called man are from mars and women are fromvenus. I do agree with the philosophy that it wrote inside. Both man and women are different and if you want to live in harmony, you will need to accept the differences that both man and women have. Then you will understand how to live in a world with harmony.