Confuse

I don't know what i can do anymore. I am really confuse and hopeless. Two weeks have past and yet still got no reply from him and he does not even want to pick up my call. Guess that i have really make him angry of me. I thought that we have already talk things out that night or maybe he is just pretending. I don't know what is in his mind now. I have done everything i can. And i have also plan to go back to him but there is no answer and not reply that make me confuse whether i should resign my post here or not. Once i resign i will go back to my hometown. But what is after i have resign and yet he still does not forgive me? That is what makes me so scare and confuse. I have already told him that i don't mind giving up everything here but at least give me an answer or a reply so that i know he have already forgive me. Now without any answer or reply i really don't know what he wants me to do.

I did sms my sister and ask her to talk to him since he does not want to answer my call. But i have yet recieved any reply from my sister. I know that she will be busy with her kids and she will be starting work soon as well. I also don't want to trouble her like that but i really have no choice and i really don't know what i can do and i also don't know who i can turn to. Why is this happening to me? I know that i have done something very very wrong and i have already regret doing it in the first place. Can't i at least have one more last chance to prove that i will change totally? I know that i don't have the rights to ask for forgiveness and ask for chances but at least let me know. What i want is an answer. So that i know what i can do.

I am not getting enough sleep and not eating well and i have also loose some weight. It is suffering for me being like this. I just can't get him out of my mind no matter how tired i made myself so that i can sleep. But it's just useless. Does he have to punish me like this? Please i am just asking for one last chance, that's it.

Friends keep asking me not to wait and move one, but i can't. I love him too much to move on. It's hurting everyday and it's suffering everyday. I hate myself for destroying the love life that i treasure so much. Now i deserved all this. I really hate myself and i do think about taking away my own life. I need the answer. And i really love him a lot.