Blur

I dont know what i should do. I am very blur now. It's been the whole week already. And i have been crying for the whole week. And i even have to make myself tired everyday so that i can fall asleep whitout thinking anything but fail because no matter how tired i am he still appears in my head. I just can't help it and i don't know what to do about it.

I am getting slightly thinner due to tiredness and not enough sleep almost every night. If i keep on like this i will become crazy. I don't know what he is up to now. I know that i need to give him time to cool down. But just that i miss him too much. I have tried to relax... try to watch animation and try to read novels... but it's does not help at all. Everyone tell me to calm down, relax and don't think too much but it's impossible.

I don't know how long can i stand this. I just miss him a lot and really scare of loosing him. Am i going nuts or what. I hate myself. I hate myself for doing the wrong things in the first place. I know that i am wrong. Should i let go? And i know that i won't. Please is there someone out there that can help me?

What is love?

People keep saying that when you love something you does not really have to own that things or person. But why is it so hard for me? Why me? I know that i deserved all this for being unfaithful to him but why can he just give me the answer? I am suffering and struggling inside and i am totally lost and don't know what i should do. I really don't know.............................................