New Shoe

27 September 2008 - Saturday - It's a very nice weather today. I have decided to buy a new pair of shoe once i get my salary for this month because the current one that i am wearing have already wornout. So i wake up and get ready to go out toget my new pair of shoe and since today i need to go over to my brother's place to pass him my hard disk to fix. So i went over to Marina Square and look for my new pair of sport shoe. Then i went over to Suntec City to look for more just to compare the price. But i think most of the price will be almost the same. I have two choice in my mind either it's Puma or Adidas.

I like Puma a lot, maybe it's influence by him, but too bad that i can't find the design that i like. So i make up my mind and go over to Adidas shop to buy a pair of Adidas shoe. The shoe is suitable for both training and casual wear. Like that i don't have to get another jogging shoe. The shoe cost me $99 and i think that it's worth it because if i can take good care of the shoe then i can wear for quiet some time. The design is black and white, my favourite colour and not so complicated. Like what he usually said you have to find a design that can wear for all time. Because if you find those design that is too complicated or maybe just suitable for this season then it will be a waste. There is a lot of this that i have learn from him and now only i finds it usefull.

After buying the shoe i went over to MPH planning to get some magazine for him but end up putting the magazine back on the shelf. Because i also plan to get myself some new cloths. I am still struggling inside wether i should get the magazine and send it over to him or i just treat myself better and get some new cloths. After all this i went over to my brother place and pass him my external hard disk and wait to have dinner with them. After having dinner i went home. I realise that there is a lot of places that i went together with him in Suntec City and Marina Square. That brings back memories.

When i reach home and while taking my shower i make up my mind to buy the magazines and send it over to him, hopefully that he knows that i still care and also it's my promise to him that i will buy those magazines for him every month. Hope that he will know that i still have my heart for him. So since i have plan to buy the magazines for him then i will not buy any new cloths, since my mom will be coming back next month. I will have more new cloths soon. That's it for today....

Planning

After so many things have happen to me, i have decided that i have to totaly change myself. I need to face the problem that i have created. I can't run away from it. I got to be strong. Although i know that the chances of me being together with him again is 0% but i will proof to him that i will be more mature and i will take responsible of what i have done. I still miss him very much as usual. And i will not throw it away as i know that i love him very much. My love for him will never change and he will be forever in my heart till my last breath.

It's sunday today and nothing much to do at home. Don't have the mood to do my freelance. After things happen, i prefer staying at home more. Not like last time, like to go here and there trying to explore. I will control my life more in the future because what he said about me is true. I am just too wild. So nothing much after waking up around 11pm went out to the living room and watch TV with the thai girl(house mate). Then around 12pm we went out to hougang festival mall to get our lunch. Wah don't know why today eat quiet a bit. I take-away economic rice and also chee cheong fun. Normally weekend i will have not much appetite to eat but today don't know what happen. Just feel like eating.

Ok i think this is quiet boring, i will continue with my planning. This evening i called my sister and we are planning to get a car for my parents as they will be coming back next month. So they need a car to get around. What i am planning is after getting the car for my parents then i will plan of getting a new tablet PC/laptop. The model that i am interested in is HP TX2032AU. I think the price range will be around S$1300. Am waiting for the answer from my brother as i have ask him to check for me. It's a tablet so that it will be much more easier for me to do my freelance. I would like to invest in this because really planning to get more freelance job. Like what he told me, i really have to plan for my future and the calculation that he told me before really give me a shock. That is why i need to plan more. As he ask me to be more mature, i will be more mature. After getting my new laptop will plan to learn more on my webdesign skill. He is right, I graduate in this field, if i don't do this then it will be a waste of money. That is why i plan to polish my skill in webdesign. Will get more book and online to find more information about this. Hope that i can get my first job.

Currently helping one of my colleague on her website for her proffessor. So will start from here and then will look for more ler. Well that is my planning for now. Wish me all the best on finding my own success ok. Cheers...

Confuse

I don't know what i can do anymore. I am really confuse and hopeless. Two weeks have past and yet still got no reply from him and he does not even want to pick up my call. Guess that i have really make him angry of me. I thought that we have already talk things out that night or maybe he is just pretending. I don't know what is in his mind now. I have done everything i can. And i have also plan to go back to him but there is no answer and not reply that make me confuse whether i should resign my post here or not. Once i resign i will go back to my hometown. But what is after i have resign and yet he still does not forgive me? That is what makes me so scare and confuse. I have already told him that i don't mind giving up everything here but at least give me an answer or a reply so that i know he have already forgive me. Now without any answer or reply i really don't know what he wants me to do.

I did sms my sister and ask her to talk to him since he does not want to answer my call. But i have yet recieved any reply from my sister. I know that she will be busy with her kids and she will be starting work soon as well. I also don't want to trouble her like that but i really have no choice and i really don't know what i can do and i also don't know who i can turn to. Why is this happening to me? I know that i have done something very very wrong and i have already regret doing it in the first place. Can't i at least have one more last chance to prove that i will change totally? I know that i don't have the rights to ask for forgiveness and ask for chances but at least let me know. What i want is an answer. So that i know what i can do.

I am not getting enough sleep and not eating well and i have also loose some weight. It is suffering for me being like this. I just can't get him out of my mind no matter how tired i made myself so that i can sleep. But it's just useless. Does he have to punish me like this? Please i am just asking for one last chance, that's it.

Friends keep asking me not to wait and move one, but i can't. I love him too much to move on. It's hurting everyday and it's suffering everyday. I hate myself for destroying the love life that i treasure so much. Now i deserved all this. I really hate myself and i do think about taking away my own life. I need the answer. And i really love him a lot.

Blur

I dont know what i should do. I am very blur now. It's been the whole week already. And i have been crying for the whole week. And i even have to make myself tired everyday so that i can fall asleep whitout thinking anything but fail because no matter how tired i am he still appears in my head. I just can't help it and i don't know what to do about it.

I am getting slightly thinner due to tiredness and not enough sleep almost every night. If i keep on like this i will become crazy. I don't know what he is up to now. I know that i need to give him time to cool down. But just that i miss him too much. I have tried to relax... try to watch animation and try to read novels... but it's does not help at all. Everyone tell me to calm down, relax and don't think too much but it's impossible.

I don't know how long can i stand this. I just miss him a lot and really scare of loosing him. Am i going nuts or what. I hate myself. I hate myself for doing the wrong things in the first place. I know that i am wrong. Should i let go? And i know that i won't. Please is there someone out there that can help me?

What is love?

People keep saying that when you love something you does not really have to own that things or person. But why is it so hard for me? Why me? I know that i deserved all this for being unfaithful to him but why can he just give me the answer? I am suffering and struggling inside and i am totally lost and don't know what i should do. I really don't know.............................................

Useless me...

I really don't know don't know what i can do anymore. I find myself very annoying and useless. i just can't stop thinking about him. I have been depressed for a few days now and it seems like it's getting even more worse. Whenever i have free time or not doing anything i will start to think about him and think about what i have done to make him so angry of me. Why can't i be more strong. I love him so much and yet i still do something that make him so angry and now he is ignoring me.

My friend keep advising me not to disturb him, not to sms him or call him but i did not listen, because i really miss him a lot. I am so scare of loosing him. I am trying to think all positive things but to no avail and all the negative imagination keeps coming into my mind and i am so scare. Then think kind of things just makes me miss him more and i can't even think straight. Is there someone out there that can save me? I need help. I need help on how can i get him back. How can i win his heart back. I only need one last chance to show him that i am changing for the better. That is what i need. I have already said that i am willing to do anything and willing to give up anything just for him to forgive me and give me just one last chance.

It's hurting me so much this few days and i really don't know when i will loose control and gone insane......

I miss him very much

Feeling Sorrow

It is so painful to wait for the time pass. It's been 4 days now without any reply from him. Don't know what he is up to and my mind keep thinking that he have give up on me and look for someone better. I have tried to convince myself that he is not that type of guy. And my friends also advise me that i should not think something bad like this. But it's really hard to control. I will not think about it during my working time but all this kind of negetive thinking will come back when i am about to get to sleep.

Lying there on my bed staring up to the ceiling makes me even miss him more and without any reply from him make things even worse. I will be happy even with a simple message from him, but i guess he is still very very upset with what i have done till he is so cold towards me. There is a lot of things that i wanted to tell him, but i know that he is still in the stage of cooling down. So my friend advise me not to disturb him.

It's almost weekend and i will be staying home doing my freelance. I will be facing sorrows again this weekend as i am sure that i will think even more of him. And some more it's almost end of the month. Don't know want to go back to hometown or not. What if he does not want me to go back?

Sadness

I haven't been blogging for quiet sometime. There is a lot of things happen to me lately. Some unhappy things have been happen to me. I know that i have done a lot of mistakes that make him very very disappointed of me and i know that i have done a lot of things that have hurt him so much. When he ask me how much i love him, i can only answer that i love him very much that i wanted to spend my life with him and be with him forever. But when he ask me since i love him so much why do i still do all this kind of things to hurt him... then i don't know how to answer. I really think that i am not mature enough. I do think that i am a very bad person. I wanted to change for him. I am trying very hard to change so that he feel secure with me. I really love him very much and i am affraid to loose him. My friends told me that i deserved someone better but all i want is just him. And he will be my future husband. I am stupid right?



Sometimes i really feel that i am so stupid that i really can't let go of him. I know that he have given me a lot of chances to change myself and he is always there to teach me the correct things to do, advise me and also motivate me to improve myself. I am trying to improve myself and trying to learn as much things as i can. I know why he feels insecure about this relationship as he is in ipoh and i am here in singapore. I wanted to resign and go back to him so that he feels that i really treasure this relationship. I have told him that i will go back to ipoh and have already plan to tender my resignation letter on september. I hope that he knows that i really do treasure this relationship.



Why is it so hard to love someone. I really hope that he will give me another chance to change for the better. I have learn my lesson and only one last chance that is what i need.

Kungfu Panda - The Dragon Warrior!!!

Wow... This is my most favourite movie of the year... I have watch this movie for 3 times... And even you watch it the 3rd time, it's still as funny as the first time you watch it... The panda is so cute... Can't wait for the DVD to come out... Will buy it as a collection... And actually i am waiting for the toys of Panda... will get one although i don't really like toys... hehe... Rating for this movie... I will give 10... It's really funny and cute... The animation is nice too... Even though he is so fat... but he did not give up...

What I loved most of this movie? EVERYTHING!!! Cute Kung fu animation!! hehehehe i just love e part the master says, "Are U alive, Or are we Both DEAD?" hahahahaha So CUTE!!! Great Cartoon! Believe in yourself!! Awesome! And i remember the part when he try to imitate "Shi Fu" and also when the mantis giving him acupuncture!!! That is the part where i laugh the most... It's really funny...

For those that have not watch this movie really have to go watch it... Don't miss the panda in action!!!

The Incredible Hulk

I went to watch this movie last friday with this guy(M) after work. The movie is not bad. If 10 is the best score, i will give 7. Definately this one is far more better then the first one. Hmmm don't know how to explain... At least the impact is there... Not bad... Those that have not watch should go watch it... It's really recommended...

What I loved most is the much cooler action scenes. After it's failure 5 years ago, Hulk returns once again to the big screen, and I must say I'm quite impressed. There are much more action scenes in this version, funnier and less boring. While Ang Lee's rely on the script, this one relies on the exciting visual effects. If you want to get an exciting summer movie that is full of action with gigantic monsters, Hulk is the one!

Sleepless Night

I don't know what is wrong with me lately... I've been having sleepless nights. And it's making me very very tired and sleepy during work time. My friend ask me to drink a glass of warm milk before i sleep, but i have not try it yet. I am scare that i might have some problem. Ppl said that if you have a lot of things going in your mind will also cause you sleepless... But i really don't have anything think. I try very hard to relax and sleep...

And another problem is when i have fall asleep, i will wake up in the middle of the night for 2-3 times... It's really taking it's toll... Now i feel very tired during work time... And today during lunch time, after i finish my ham toast i try to take a nap... and still fail to do so. i close my eyes and just can't sleep... Help am i going insane or what....

The Increse Of Petrol Price In Malaysia

I am from Malaysia and recently there is this increment of fuel price in malaysia that cause a lot of frustration. This morning i read an article in my paper, there is this writer talking about the realistic picture of KL fuel. I agreed what he is writing there... We really cannot compare Malaysia to other country. Although Malaysia's fuel is lower than most other South-east Asia countries but when you know how much a normal worker earn a month, you will see the problem there...Like what the writer mention, the cost of living in malaysia is very high. He compare a Malaysian worker who earns RM2,000 a month and his Singaporean counter oart who earns $2,000.

With that kind of earning power, the Malaysian worker would not be able to afford a computer. This is because a computer cost RM2,000 in Malaysia, but in singapore, one can buy the same model for $1,000... Therefore, in the justification of the petrol price hike, we cannot compare Malaysia with the rest of South-east Asia.

And i read another email that have forward to me by one my of Malaysia friend... The calculation is so open and you can see the problem of the petrol price hike cause most Malaysian...

In Malaysia, the heavier burden is caused by cost of travelling to work. The cost of travelling will have to include:

1. toll charges
2. amortisation of the vehicle's cost over the economic useful life of the vehicle, or, for those who have obtained loan financing, the monthly loan repayments
3. the annual vehicle maintenance cost (tyres, brake pads, engine oil, spark plugs, etc)
4. road tax
5. Parking
6. petrol

If you analyse above carefully a huge chunk of the expenses goes to car amortisation cost and toll charges. Everyone who has travelled overseas knows for a fact that Malaysia has one of the highest numbers of tolls in the country and very high excise duties on cars.Take a real life example of a typical average worker in Malaysia earning a take home pay after deducting EPF of RM 2,000 a month. He drives a small Kancil (cost RM27,000) and travels to and from work each day from his home in Cheras averaging about 40 km. His typical monthly travelling cost is:

Amortisation of car for 10 years ($27,000/10/12).............$225
Petrol (based on current price)................................................ ...........$200
Maintenance of car................................................... .............$100
Road Tax ($50/ 12)................................................... ....................$4
Parking ...................................................... ................................$90
Total Travelling Cost per Month..........................................$619
Percentage of Travelling Cost to Take-Home Pay............................31%


I really feel that it's really hard living in Malaysia when everything is so expensive...

The start of blogging

I don't really now what to write as this is the first time i blog. Ok let me start with what happen last week

I went back hometown last thursday night... I am so happy that my sister come back from New York with her family. It's been 5 yrs i did not see my sister. She change a lot. And now she is the mother of 2. Both of her kids is really cute. But too bad that they can't get used to the wheather in malaysia. It's hot and they fall sick. I am really worried about them. Hope that they will get well soon.

Another thing will be my parents. They will be coming back on October. I am really happy and in the same time headache. It's been 10 yrs i did not see my parents. Miss them really much. But in the same time worried about where they stay and how to support them. Everything is so expensive now.

I think this is the things everyone will go through. I really don't know what i should do. Will have to discuss this with my brother and sister. Can't wait to see my parents again. Miss them really much.